This past weekend I had a birthday. I don’t care that I am getting older, I am not one of those women. I actually like getting older and wiser. There is something about this time of year, back to school season coupled with getting older and an impending change of season that always sets off a wobbly feeling in me.
The wobbliness I am feeling is hard to explain. I know without a doubt that there is something that I am supposed to be doing with myself besides what I am currently doing. Don’t get me wrong, I know that being a mother is the most important job in the world, but I know there is something outside of that for me. Call me selfish but I know that there is something out there just for me, not for Monkey or Luke or my house, my friends or my family. Just me.The problem is that I have no idea what that thing is.
Some people in this stage of life ache for a baby or even a second baby, but I find myself aching for a calling and a little bit of a life outside of my family. I am not talking about running away from Luke and Monkey because I need them like I need air to breath. I am talking about a career, a path, a passion.
I find myself laying awake at night trying to decipher my hobbies, interests and traits trying to create an “aha!” moment. An aha moment where I suddenly know what path I need to take.
I have read stacks of books full of personality tests and career discriptions, I have pestered people about why they chose to do what they do. I have gone to information sessions for fields I might be interested in and yet I still feel as wobbly as ever.
One thing that Monkey has given me besides her beautiful smiles, unconditional love and the title of Mommy is the desire to become the woman that I am supposed to be. I just hope I can figure out who that is and erase some of this wobbliness inside of me.
So do you have any suggestions for me?