The other night while out at an event a few friends and I got into a discussion about marriage.
The question posed was this: “What will you tell your daughter, marry for love or marry for money?”
Well, I blurted out love. Actually it went more like this, Love(!) of course(!).
I married for love. I loved Luke and knew that I wanted to spend forever with him. I love him more today then I did yesterday and I know I will love him more tomorrow than I do today. Yes, I am one of those ladies who is madly in love with her husband. Of course that is what I want for my daughter. I am certain if you asked my mom years ago which path she would advise me to follow she would choose love as well.
I grew up knowing that my parents loved each other and while sometimes money was tight the love was always there. If you marry for money what happens if the money goes away?
I understand wishing your child may choose the money path though. Really what mom doesn’t want to see her child living comfortably and not stressing about money everyday of their life?
After thinking about it for a few days if these same friends posed this same question I think my answer would be different. Well maybe not so different but definitely more complicated. I think my advice for Maddy is this:
Marry for love, but please know there is a difference between like and love. Marry your very best friend. Marry the person you simply cannot see going a day without. Marry the person that respects you and treats you as an equal. After-all marriage is a team sport. Stick with the person who will wake up every day thankful he/she is waking up next to you. Be smart, and don’t rush. Love doesn’t happen the way it does in Disney movies. Love is work. It take patience, understanding, compromise and deep breaths. Lots and lots of deep breaths. Not everyday will be easy and that is okay. Please, please, please do not marry for money. You don’t need to. You can take care of and provide for yourself. But a partner you can trust with your deepest hopes, dreams and fears? That is priceless and should be treasured far above and beyond above all the dollar signs in the world.
What are your feelings on this? Am I being too mushy and not looking at this subject logically enough? Do you feel your children should marry for love or money/security?
4 comments
Ok so if the man you marry tells you on the first night you meet him that he has no money never sees a time when he will have money but you go ahead and drop everything familiar to yourself job,family,home you name it and high tail it half way around the world then you better hope to god that you love him and he loves you just as much or else you are in trouble. Well all is good, no regrets here money is a daily topic of conversation in this house and not because we have lots of it.
Having said that for my son I wouldn’t hesitate in telling him to marry for love but for my daughter this question pauses me to hesitate cos i want both for her however I believe love without money is doable but money without love is a disaster waiting to happen.
What a great topic! I did not marry for money I just knew that I loved my soon to be husband. Together we have fought through the trails of life’s financial ups and downs while growing our more deeply. I feel very bless to have gone down this life path with my husband my friend.
Marry for love absolutely!
I agree with you. I think lust feelings may come and go but a good marriage most importantly is built on a strong foundation, first of friendship and trust but most importantly commitment. There will be times in your marriage that are hard but if you are committed to being committed and constantly working at your marriage than it will stand the test of time.
I would never think of telling my children to marry for money but if the person they thought they loved were a total loser I would discourage them from continuing the relationship.
I love this post. I feel like so many girls marry, just to get married. I love my husband, from the moment I met him and more every day, even 16 years later!