Last year I had the privilege to hear Brene Brown speak at a conference I attended. She was brilliant, funny and relatable. Her talk struck a cord with me. It hit a nerve. I immediately went out and bought her book, The Gifts of Imperfection. From her talk I walked away inspired and with a particular line I’ve since repeated to myself countless times. It’s become a guiding mantra in my life. So much so even Luke is using it too.
Choose discomfort over resentment.
Why did this message resonate with me? I often choose to take the easy route. I say yes to things I would rather not say yes to because it is the nice thing to do. I let my feelings get trampled on because I don’t want to rock the boat. I don’t want to be the downer. I don’t want to be the voice of descent. I don’t want to make a big deal of myself, my feelings or my time.
No, I cannot host an extended family dinner tonight.
It’s not okay to change previously laid plans involving my daughter and not contact me first.
That comment was uncalled for and hurtful.
Thank you for the invitation we won’t be at the party.
I’m not interested in being a ref for the soccer ref.
None of these things are easy to say. Women are trained to say yes and bow down to the wishes of others. I’ve really tried to make myself take a deep breath and feel uncomfortable in the moment to avoid resentment down the line. Let me tell you friends, that discomfort can sometimes be terrible. Terrible. But honestly, no matter how bad the discomfort is it never compares to the weight of the resentment that could have been.
I haven’t perfected it, I still find myself holding my tongue or agreeing to things that I really don’t want to. I’m working on it though. I’ve been carrying too much resentment around and I’m tired of the heavy load. Sometimes tough conversations have to happen. Sometimes you have to say things that are hard to say. The people who matter the most in your life will understand where you are coming from. Your feelings and needs matter too.
What is your guiding mantra?