Some people experience mid-life crisis. In the last decade talk of people in their mid twenties experiencing quarter-life crisis has spread. Up until motherhood I thought I was one of those people. A girl in her mid-twenties worried life was going to pass her by while she had no real goals.
Since carrying a baby, giving birth to said baby and transitioning into parenthood I have come to realize that my crises, yes plural, are yearly. I suffer from three-quarter-year-crisis. Every year in August I start to feel agitated. Like there is a vibration deep inside of me just waiting to burst though to the surface. For some reason the eighth month of the year amplifies the reflective side of me.
I start thinking about what I want. What I want to do, to see, to learn. Every year I relaunch myself into the search for what my life is to become.
I am a mother and a wife. I am completely and irrevocably attached to the two most wonderful people on the planet. With my supportive family as a foundation what will I become?
Will I be a stay at home mom forever? If not then should I be in school? If returning to school is the path shouldn’t be thinking about what form school will take? Maybe the career that would make me happiest is taking care of my family full time or maybe not. If I stay home how can I reconcile that eventually I will not be bringing any income in while parenting and only child who will eventually spend 6-7 hours a day in the care of a school teacher?
That’s just one aspect of the revolving thoughts.
It has taken a few years to pinpoint this but after spending the last month or so evaluating myself, my life and my future more than any sane mother of a (gulp) almost 3 year old should have time to, I sat down tonight to try and write through some of my feelings and found that a little over a year ago I was feeling, well, the same. A quarter-life crisis is not nearly frequent enough for me. I need to freak out a bit every. single. year.
I would like to state for the record that crisis is a strong word for my situation. I’m not out picking up on younger guys in my newly purchased red convertible or lamenting my life in anyway. Phase? A yearly hitch? Repeating episodes of too much thinking and not enough doing? Any of the three are probably more accurate than crisis. Either way I probably sound a little crazy, but I like to think that at least I am able to realize that I am young and there are a lot of things I want from life. I want to really live life. I want to learn and see and do.
I guess in a nutshell, I want to keep growing into my future and learning. Go go go. Do do do. See see see.
Evolve evolve evolve.
6 comments
Girl–I suffer from this same syndrome! At least it provides an opportunity for us to reflect and hopefully act–produce a positive change, learn something new, take a new direction. Thanks for writing about it. Glad that I am not alone! I think I might be going thru this weekly though, if I loved in Colorado. Remember how big places make me ponder such deep issues!
Did you ever consider the fact that it always happens around your birthday:) Just saying, as we get older, every year that passes we start to feel that agitated feeling. What am I doing? Am I making the right decisions? Isn’t there more to life? Shouldn’t I be living it to the fullest? How can I shove more meaning and love and whatever into my life and the life of the people I love? Maybe you are just smart enough to realize that you need to keep evolving and adding things in your life to make yourself a better Mommy and better wife. Good for you for continuing to evolve and grow and learn.
I always had that feeling about twice a year. The strong feeling would land around fall and spring.
Fall is a time for school and learning new things stretching ourselves (we are conditioned this way in the US fall=school).
Spring is a time for New Life and Rejuvenation. These are the big triggers for me.
Summer is play time and winter is hibernation time.
There is so much more to our selves. I think we have the potential to have led many different lives. We lead this life because that is where we are needed either for ourselves or for those brief moments we pass a stranger and gave them an endearing smile (which they needed that day).
Remember we are all important and beautiful and on the right path.
I love these kind of posts from you. Great writing, great thoughts.
I think without evolution, without constantly re-evaluating, without dreaming, our life can get dull, boring, and we get stuck. I think life is best lived being content with what we have but always working to improve ourselves.
omg…i just had a similar post in a way today….
September, I’m always launching something, starting something new….it’s nice to know I”m not the only one!
I’m so with you on this but am blaming my introspective issues on the fact that pregnancy has me reeling with thoughts and yes, doubts. Things I thought I was sure of, I’m now questioning. I thought I was ready for motherhood and am now very fearful. I’m wondering what it is I’m doing with my life, what I want to teach my child and how I want to model good choices.
Whew. At least you have alcohol to help you through…