Some times I wonder if people other than other stay at home moms understand what my job really is like. I get asked about recent events on the Oprah Show like I will absolutely know the answer. Of course. I’m a stay at home mom so I must watch Oprah. Well I don’t watch it so I have no idea what happened in Orpah yesterday, last week or two months ago. I frequently hear comments about reading and blogging all day. Along with comments about all the free time I must have.
I have a job people! Being a mom is work. It is amazing work, but it’s work nonetheless.
Every time a smirk is thrown my way or a comment is oh so innocently dropped in my direction I feel this overwhelming need to justify my job with a list of what I do. But will a list of what I do everyday for my family and home convince someone who already thinks my life is full of relaxation and Bon Bons that staying home with my daughter and running my home is a job? Probably not.
I am in no way implying that my job is more or less work than anyone else’s. I just have to say my job is a job no matter what people think.
I’m so tired of feeling like I need to justify my life.
I shouldn’t have to. And from now on I refuse to.
17 comments
AMEN AMEN AMEN.
So with you. And i have no idea what happened on Oprah either.
Girl, I hear you. I have a part time job and I go there for a break. The work I do as a nurse is so much easier than what I do as a mom.
I know what happened on Oprah and I work (out of the home) during that time slot =) How can one NOT know what is going on with Oprah? I kid I kid.
1) you are right – nothing to justify
2) the one who works the most (however work is defined), is not the winner, in my mind…but I am pretty lazy. I just know when I am sitting outside, reading a book, or lounging while my daughter is playing, I feel bad for all the suckers who think being busy and working non stop = success. Just sayin’
Let me set the record straight: I see absolutely noting wrong with knowing what happens on Oprah. I just get tired of people assuming I know because of the stereotype that every stay at home mom watches it. I actually get O magazine and think Oprah is pretty cool, but just because I am home doesn’t mean I watch it.
And I agree it isn’t a competition. And really sometimes the person who works the most loses because of all the living they moss out on.
Kudos to you!!! I am a full-time “WAHM”. I put that in quotes because I totally agree with you. What does that mean: WAHM? Don’t all mom’s work at home, I mean, a mom’s work is really 24/7, where as some people get to leave their jobs, leave the problems/issues at the office, and come home to enjoy their family – a mom’s work is never done. You most certainly should NOT have to justify yourself to anyone.
Don’t get me wrong, I feel VERY blessed that I am able to continue in my career while still being home to witness, enjoy and be a part of my boys life, but I am just returning to work this week after a 6 week maternity leave from my baby boy and let me tell you – work feels like a mini-vacation of sorts. Taking care of a newborn, a toddler, the bills, the meals, the shopping,the laundry, the house, etc. is exhausting. I have a mother’s helper to assist me with the boys while I’m working, otherwise I don’t know how I’d do it.
Being a mother is both the toughest, and most rewarding job in the world – I say be proud of it, and never feel like you have to justify yourself!
A lot of working Moms may check out for the time they are at work but still go home and cook, clean, do laundry, shop and enjoy time with there kids. That’s something that maybe working moms are not given credit for.
Good points Gillian and Lynette. I do know some moms that feel like their job outside of the home is a sort of escape. But I think we can all agree that the Motherhood is a job no matter what the hours are that you are actively mothering.
I think it’s sad that so many women find it necessary to compare and feel that their life is more important/harder than the other. As women and Mom’s we should support each other regardless of what our choices are.
Couldnt agree more Chrissy. A point i made on Catherine post on Face Book.
People sometimes don’t realize that being a stay at home mom is probably the hardest job in the world. You have no need to justify that to anyone that matters 🙂
Thank you, I needed to read this today and good friend of mine actually sent this my way. I was talking to my mother about something that my husband said, and my mom said “well, do you think that he is frustrated because he works all of the time and you don’t really do anything.” Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother to death, but that was so left field, and I had to take a moment to catch my breath.
My mother has always worked, kept a spotless home, cooked dinners and raised 3 kids. She was truly a supermom when I was growing up, but she sends little digs like that my way frequently. I have recently stopped trying to justify what I do. Sadly, that doesn’t make it hurt any less.
Thank you so much for the post. I don’t even know what channel Oprah comes on, and truthfully have no idea what a bon bon is! I think I need to wiki it after I submit this.
Bravo, and well-said. SAHMing and WAHMing are tough jobs, and someone really ought to bring us bonbons once in awhile. Maybe Oprah? I hear she’s no longer busy.
AMEN!!! The hardest job EVER!!
So my hubby has a really high stress job. And a few weekends ago I had GNARLY food poisoning. I couldnt move for the weekend. I was the sickest I’ve been in like 10 years!! NOT FUN. I was so grateful it hit me during the weekend so my hubby could take care of the kids otherwise I would of shown up at my moms door step or the hubs would of had to take time off work. So anyways… he had the kids for the weekend pretty much only bringing the baby to me when she needed to nurse. by the end of the weekend he was EXHAUSTED!! He even admitted to me later that my job is harder!! hahaha. He said its different but harder. I loved that he was able to really get a glimpse into our world…
I absolutely agree with you! No mother need justify her time to anyone other than herself. I know lots of moms who have lots of different situations – everyone is ultimately different, and we all juggle it the way that suits us best. The key to winning is for us to get over ourselves, and support each other, no matter what situation we’re in 🙂 I adore you Catherine, and love your blog! Thanks for writing this piece!
Amen Jo! Stop questioning and judging each other and start supporting.
In my darkest moments? The person I have to ‘justify’ to the most is myself, and I hate that.
But I love this post, and love that you called it out. We all make tough choices and try to choose a life of meaning, however it works. There shouldn’t be judging.
Oh Kirsten, me too.