Hi there friends! It’s time for another question of the week!
This week we’re talking about family planning and family size and I can’t wait to hear what you have to say. I’ll be posting my answer/thoughts on the question in a few days but I want to give you the chance to share your thoughts before I jump in with mine.
(email subscribers click through to Evolving Mommy to see video)
Alright you’re up! Share your thoughts in the comment section, don’t shy. Just remember to keep things respectful. Also feel free to record a video of your answer and post it to your blog or You Tube and leave the link in the comment section here, or if you’d like you can write a post on your blog and leave the link in the comments section.
21 comments
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Well luckily the answer is as diverse as we are right? Could you imagine if the universal answer to family size was Duggar? HOly cow…I used to think I wanted 3-4 kids….well that was before kids…so now…we are stopping at 2….unless a BIG huge oops happens in the future…..
.-= Lesley´s last blog ..Mommy is so Not Macgyver…. =-.
Seeing moms out and about with more than a couple of children overwhelms me, I can’t imagine the perfect family size being in the double digits. Yikes!
I think the ideal family size truly varies from family to family. Some couples were “cut out” to be parents to many, many kids and others do/will do better with smaller families.
We have three kids and I always thought we would have three kids. I even said during our religious classes prior to being married that “I picture us with three boys” and guess what? We have three boys.
I will say though, on 9/11, when I was laying in ICU after brain surgery watching all that happen, I told my husband there was NO WAY I would bring another child into this world. We had two boys at the time.
Well, as I got better and time went on, our family just did not feel complete and we had baby number #3 in October of 2003. Honestly, though, I would have had a fourth if it wasn’t for brain surgery #2 when my youngest was a year old. That second surgery and the fact that I was getting VERY close to 40 kind of changed my mind.
I do feel that our family is complete with three. I don’t regret not having four and I guess I would have always felt incomplete with less than three.
It is interesting to see how world events can help shape our family planning decisions. Obviously the major event of the time didn’t change your mind for long but it is interesting to see how it affected your thoughts for a while.
Ah… once more, I shall comment though I can’t watch videos at work, and therefore have no idea what you’re actually asking.
Since I was little I’ve had the life goal of adopting roughly 12 children.
This might have something to do with being an only child.
As I’ve yet to have one child though, it’s possible my life plans might change, as I’ve heard tell it’s actually really difficult to raise them.
First off I want to say I love your makeup in this video, you look very pretty 🙂
Second off I hear that tinge in your voice. I know you and Luke were pretty sure you were good with one kid but now it is bothering you how this keeps coming up or that your feelings have changed. I hope you and Luke can make the decision that is best for your family.
My path to deciding on family size is a windy one at best. I had B very young. I thought I’d have 1 more kid but probably mostly because that is the “norm” and the family size I grew up in. B was probably 4 before I really had that desire, feeling inside me, that I wanted another baby. Life circumstances, including getting divorced from my first husband didn’t let that happen.
Being a single mom with a 4 year old, I didn’t figure I would get married and have more kids for awhile so I gave up on spacing my kids close together and just assumed I would remarry and have two more kids (3 in total) with the younger two being closer together (2-3 years apart).
I was single for several years, at that time I tried to convince myself that even if I only ever had B I was happy with that. He was a fabulous kid and I loved him more than anything else in this world. I was truly blessed.
Once I met hubby and the topic came up I was pretty firm I wanted another baby. As you know, hubby had 2 girls of his own that lived with him full-time and now are 2 of my 3 kids. Fairly early in our relationship I told hubby not having another baby would be a deal breaker for me. Once the reality of going from being a mother of 1 to a mother of 3 hit me, I wavered a bit and thought, 3 kids is overwhleming, maybe I can’t handle having 4 kids. But I knew in my heart my family was not complete and I knew I wanted another baby.
Here I am 4 1/2 years later, still no baby, but I know my family is not complete. I look forward to the day, hopefully only a few years in the future, where hubby and I are financially stable and have met our debt repayment and savings goals so I can start trying to get pregnant. For now I have my 3 kids plus 2 adorable babies I nanny for to love on and I try to be content with that.
No right or wrong answer just the story of how we came to our decision.
P.S. Sorry I leave the longest comments ever on your blog!
I love that you notice my make-up, Michelle, I love you. Also the question of the week always brings out the long commenter in people so this is definitely not the longest comment.
You are definitely a perfect example of how life makes certain decisions for you and you just have to roll with it.
I never thought I want a certain amount of children. I was not the girl in junior high that knew I would have 6 kids and knew what all of their names would be. I would like to think destiny or god which ever you are comfortable with provided the answer.
I was very happy with one child for many years and then when my daughter was almost 4 years old I had a deep desire to complete my family of 3 (husband, wife, daughter) to an over all 4. We became a family of 4 and then we knew we were complete. Then the surprise came and we were unprepared for a family of 5. Was it tough at times running after 3 children and trying to fine appropriate time for all YES. We made it though and it seems all the kids and parents turn out all right.
In fact… I really love the people that my children have become and I can not think of a world without them. Destiny or god it worked out very well in the end.
And my how things would have been different without that 5th person in the mix.
I think it is a family decision…everyone has different circumstances to contend with when thinking about having kids. Bottom line is you have to do what makes you and your family feel complete/happy! I love the new site on a side note…looks amazing!!!
Thanks, Jen. Going with what makes a family feel complete seems to be a pretty important thought for most people so far.
I would love to have 3 kids, but hubs thinks something different… 2 is our limit!
Love the vlog!
My ideal family size is zero (probably a very weird thing among your readers!)
I always knew. It probably stems back to age six when I asked my mother why Uncle Steve and Aunt Karole were always traveling to exciting places and spending money on neat things, and our family didn’t. Mom said in a tight but matter-of-fact voice, “Well, Uncle Steve and Aunt Karole don’t have children now, do they? Children cost a lot of money and time.”
Amen, Mom. As I got older and started babysitting, I saw some people who just loved kids, like my sister who wanted to be a mom and work with kids when she grew up, and I knew it was the right thing for her to do (doing what she loves). It didn’t feel right for me, though.
For my friends with kids, family size has often centered around how additional children will influence each other. For instance, one friend had a second child because she feels that only children can grow up lonely and socially isolated. Other friends of mine feel that there is an overpopulation problem and that one child is enough. I know a few people who grew up in large families and love the camaraderie and the bonds created among siblings. And sadly, I know a few people who felt pressured into having more children by family members, or who thought having another baby might improve their marriage.
My grandma ended up with four boys because she just wanted one girl 🙂
I love that you shared your point of view here, even if it may not be the same as a lot of the readers around here. Like I said ALL points of view are welcome and No points of views will be judged.
Also I have always thought it awesome that there are people out there willing to say “no I don’t want children” if that is what is best for them even though society has such strong expectations for it’s citizens.
Here are my thouhts… I always wanted to have an even number of kids either 4 or 6 and then I met Jeff. He wanted to have only 2 kids so we agreed that we would have 2 and then wait about 5 or 6 years and have another one, maybe two.
But then I had major issues getting pregnant with Hayden and I knew that emotionally I would only be able to handle going through that one more time so we settled on just 2 kids. But I guess God smiled on us and gave me my wish of 4 kids but did it in 2 pregnancies.
That being said, I still at times want to have another. I feel that I could totally handle 5 kids, I did want 6 after all. But if I didn’t have issues being pregnant, I totally see us having 4 at the most.
I just like being pregnant and I wish that I could get the chance to do it one more time.
I don’t know how you pick that perfect number or if there even is such a thing. I just knew that I wanted all my kids to have a play mate aka even number b/c growing up in a threesome was not fun.
I grew up in a threesome and it was tough, mostly because I am so much older than my siblings that I was automatically the dd one out.
I love hearing from people who liked being pregnant because I did too and it seems like most people just complain about it.
Catherine…I think if you are having these questions and having a “tingle” and then having people bring it up…. maybe God is trying to tell you something. Maybe you aren’t finished yet.
I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason.
as for me, I always knew I wanted a lot of kids and also figured we would go with the flow and allow God to continue to bless us until we felt our family was complete.
I do feel we are there now, although there are still moments where i think, maybe I’ll adopt just one more.
I will tell you one thing, i have never let money be my deciding factor i whether or not I would have more kids. (I suppose if we weren’t “comfortable” that i would. But we have never allowed it to rule our reason.)
.-= debi9kids´s last blog ..Win a 1 Year Subscription to Picnik! =-.
I love that you have really thought this through. Ask me again this week why I decided to have two…because right now it is really challenging. Dealing with jealous older sister and a crawling almost walking baby who keeps taking said older sister’s things is tough. I am left wondering, “why did I do this again? Is this fair to Charlotte?”
But, we decided on two because Charlotte’s personality is so forceful, and she was getting horribly spoiled by us. She would say, “Jump” and we’d respond with “how high”. Sooo we knew that she needed to learn to wait for things, learn how to have patience, and learn that the world did not revolve around her. And the only way for us to do that since hubby works from home and I of course stay home with her was to give her a sibling. Plus both of us really enjoy our adult relationships with our siblings. It is nice to have one other person in this world who can share your own growing up stories, share angst about the parents with, and one person who should help you when the parents get older.
I can not imagine having more than two….because the two we have takes all of our energy.
I’m fairly young, 20 years old. The only constant in my personal plan is that I’ve known I wasn’t ready yet! I’m graduating with my BA in three weeks (I started college at 16) and am traveling to Paris this fall to get certified to teach English abroad.
At this point in my life, my desire to travel is much stronger than my desire to start a family. My steady boyfriend (and future husband, without a doubt) always pictured starting a family early but I have taken fairly drastic measures to prevent a pregnancy; I have an IUD that will be effective until my 30’s.
I don’t think this is because I don’t want to have children, I think it’s because I want to have a family the RIGHT way. As in, giving them stability I can’t possibly give at this point in my life, and a mother without regrets. I picture myself being a stay-at-home mommy and when I reach the point in my life that it’s possible to do that, I’ll start thinking seriously about it! Until then, I’ll borrow my niece, nephew, and cousins!
It sounds like you have put some thought into your ideal circumstances, which is great if you ask me. We waited to be married, settled and financially able before having our daughter and I can’t imagine doing it any other way.