I have heard it said that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
Friendships and to what lengths should one go to keep them have been on my mind a lot lately.
So friends, I’m going to pick your brains and parting from general Question of the Week protocol I’m doing it in writing.
People say marriage isn’t always perfect and oftentimes it’s hard. Should this also be said for friendships? Is it giving up too easily to think a friendship is for a reason or season instead of a lifetime? On the other hand is it smart to know what a “good” friendship is for you and to let go of or keep friendships accordingly?
I’ll fill you in on my thoughts in a forth coming post, but in the mean time the comment section is open and ready for some debate. I love hearing your opinions just remember to be respectful of other people’s thoughts.
Okay,
ready. set. go…
10 comments
I think there are all types of friendships – some last for a set time period due to convenience, location, aging, current/past/future life experiences, etc. But lifetime friendships are few and far between and should be treated as lifetime commitments.
I agree that some friendships should be treated as lifetime commitments, but I wonder should those friendships be hard work or by the nature should they be something a little easier. (not that friendships don’t all require a little effort, but some just seem to be work work work.) Hmmm.
I’m with Jo, lifetime friendships are more rare then diamonds. I’m afraid most do not look at a friend as a mate for life, and some are quick to judge, dismiss, not forgive slights or human foibles – then again that could just be me.
Something I work on constantly. During those first difficult years of Youngest and his PKU diagnosis I pushed most people away. Friends who wanted to help, some friends who chose to pull away for whatever reason – but now that we’ve come out the other side, I’m desperately trying to make ammends. I feel like I have made strides, and luckily I have forgiving friends – I will never take that for granted.
Great question.
I think it is a good point that there are phases in friendships and good friends will understand that. I’m glad you have forgiving friends as well. I think in your case though it is probably pretty easy for your friends to understand why the friendship may have been strained and to forgive and move on.
I feel like I have privleged information on this subject since I know this relates to friendships in general as well as a mutual long time friend of both of ours.
We can both go on and on talking about this but in some cases I think you have to let friendships go. Don’t burn any bridges and maybe in another season in life the friendship will become stronger again. There does come a certain point where you can’t be the only one putting in the effort. If the friendship feels forced or that you truly aren’t close anymore I think it is ok to let it go for now. In the future things might change or with other another one of our friends, who shall remain nameless but I trust you know who I am talking about, even though we were close for a long time we are just not friends any more. The person I am thinking of I wish nothing bad for her, just the opposite, and if we end up in a room together we can chat, but honestly in the end these people really don’t change. The selfish people are always selfish, the flaky people are always flaky. Finding good, true friends is hard and I understand your hesitation to let this one go but at this point it seems like it will always be more of the same. And from what I’ve gathered from the other person she has a handful of other friends she is close with now. I suspect as those friendships weaken or fail she will miss what she had with all of us.
Those are my thoughts! Love ya! I am glad you are one of my lifetime friends, 19 years and counting š
Well, I have thinking a lot about friendships in general a lot lately. I know we have talked about certain instances but this subject has been on my mind a lot beyond that as well.
ohhh…..good question…..lord I think I could write a novel about my opinions on the subject….
I guess to sum up my feelings, I think all friendships are comletely individual. We all grow and change as people from being little kids…to grown adults. The friendships we have along the way change with how we change. Some friendships may be perfect for who we are at say 14…but who they are at 30 and who I am at 30 may be completely different. It is a wonderful and rare thing I think to have a steadfast friend who you can say has been able to grow with you throughout your life….I have a few friends I have from my childhood….and they are amazing…but many of the friends I’ve met in the last few years….I can say are some of my best friends ever….I guess…what I’m trying to say is that some friendships stay in the past….with who we were then…..and I think that is a ok with me…..
Huh.
I’d so gotten into the rhythm of not watching your video, then commenting on whatever I guessed you were asking.
Now I know the question, so I suppose I should think of a realistic, responsible answer.
This is gonna be hard.
Good question this week. Friendships can be harder to maintain than marriages. At least with marriages you usually are in the same home. Sometimes in life we all go through different phases…like having kids, getting divorced, going to school, starting new careers, or moving to other places. A test of a great friendship is ones that survive no matter what. The friend who doesn’t mind that you don’t call all the time, (and you don’t mind that they don’t either)someone who knows that despite the lack of communication, that you are thinking of them.
My very closest and longest friend and I have gone through times where we go months without calling each other, but she is the one person I can count on that would drop everything and come if I needed her, and same here. There was a time after high school that we barely spoke or saw each other, but I was the maid of honor at her wedding, even if I didn’t exactly think it was the best decision she could have made. I was also the one who drove her Mother In Law(we nicknamed her “that woman”) home, after her son died (3 hours in the car btw)because I wanted to give her and her parents some peace to grieve without her. But she is a lifelong friend, someone who will never fade from my life.
Sometimes though there are people who are caustic to your mentality, who drain you, who use you. Sometimes it is best to let that friendship go, or rest. Maybe one day that friend will come back to you, maybe one day their life or your life will be in the same spot and you can now get along.
And sometimes they end when you don’t want them to. When I got pregnant with Rebecca, I lost a very good friend. She felt isolated and felt left out. She thought me and our other friend were rubbing it in that she chose not to have children of her own, based on her Huntington’s disease diagnosis. Instead, she and her husband adopted….but could not afford to do so again. It’s a friendship I mourn, a friendship I wish I could mend, but after over a year of silence from her, she called to explain, but I don’t think she really can ever get over the fact that I chose to have another baby, that I was happy, and she was miserable. I can only hope that as time goes on, that I can show I care by visiting her when she gets ill, by looking after her daughter, by sharing my memories of her when she was with it, with the people she loves.
Gosh, I could write more, but friendships shouldn’t need to be “worked” on, I think that if you have to work too hard, then it is not working. Shoot, you don’t live with them after all, someone you see sometimes, shouldn’t get you upset everytime you see them.
And if the friendship is making you miserable, making you crazy, making you feel more horrible than good, than by all means disconnect. Life is too short to feel bad all the time.
I am extremely lucky to have a group of 4 best friends. We all went to school together, we love each other like sisters. Our husbands and our kids are close as siblings. We go on vacations together. We parent each other’s kids. I realize how insanely rare it is to have friendships like this. I am crazy blessed.