Parenting. Is. Scary. I think I tend to be one of those moms who over analyze, worry and plan too much. My worst fear besides what every mother fears the most, is that I will royally screw up my child. Sometimes my power as Mom is intoxicating and exciting, but most of the time it freaks me out, Big time.
Honestly I have been thinking about it a lot lately.
Sometimes I think this general worry over whether I am doing it “right” makes me a good parent. You know, it shows I care and stuff. If I care about how my daughter will turn out then I must at least be on the right track. Right?
Right!?!?!
I know I make a big deal out of certain things that other parents choose not to worry about.We all do things differently. What makes one concern right and one wrong?
I don’t bathe my kid every night. It just isn’t a concern for me. She gets a bath when she needs one.
I don’t worry about germs too much. She is going to get sick sometimes. It happens.
I do worry about the types of foods and drink she puts in her body. A lot. I personally think filling her with healthy whole foods will help cancel out some of these germs she comes into contact with and maybe the lack of nightly sudsing,
Spreading chemical filled products onto her beautiful, perfect skin or hair or in the areas she spends time does freak me out. Bath shmath. But just mention the words bug spray or Johnson and Johnson near me and watch me quake with fear. Fear!
I guess the point of all this is not to confess my supposed short comings but to remind myself that they are not really shortcomings at all. my shortcomings are just differences in opinion. I will never know if I am doing it right. Because what’s right? Who knows what right is? And if one person does know what right is, can I actually trust them? Probably not. More likely I would roll my eyes and let me cynical side shine. Right is what I make it. Right is what feels best for me and the most important people in my life.And the same thing goes for you and your parenting decisions too.
Now I just need to convince myself that I am not ruining my daughter’s chance at a bright future because I make her sit in her seat at the table during meals instead of one of the adults laps at the table or bouncing around the house as she would prefer. I am not condemning her to a life of emotional issues because I put her in timeout as punishment instead of spending 37 minutes reasoning, discussing and dispensing warnings. I am not depriving her of anything because I want her to eat real food. She will turn out fine without giving her a nightly bath whether she needs it or not. She will be a well adjusted adult even though I feel very strongly she does not need to be entertained every second of everyday.
I know these things. I do. I just can’t help but worry. Madeline is my world and it is hard to live up to expectations of the people around me let alone those of parenting magazines, books and society in general. It doesn’t matter what other people think or say. If they don’t like it they can kindly close their mouths or find the door. Right?
I am a good mom just the way I am.
Trust your instincts, Catherine.
You are doing a good job.
Repeat.
How do you calm your worries over your job as parent?
6 comments
I have no Idea how I calm my worries, which basically means I don’t. I let myself worry way to much. about all the small stuff and the big stuff combined. but they are my worries and they show I care. I guess for me I take a deep breath and breath out slowly and say “everything is going to be okay” then I eat a piece of Dove dark chocolate and go about my day š Loved your post!
Deep breaths and chocolate are good suggestions.
You cannot be a good mom unless you worry about the small stuff. I lay awake worrying about skipping teeth brushing cos we were in too much of a rush to get her in to bed or the fact that i never buy shampoo for her cos I rarely wash her hair it gets wet every day either in the tub or shower but I just don’t think its a big deal to wash it (is this why it doesn’t grow fast?,yes i have seriously considered this question.)
I refused to use Johnson and Johnson from day one and that includes Aveeno products, I use a natural bristle tooth brush and natural toothpaste, bubbles are natural and so is body lotion and my me time is spent making healthy snacks for school and home rather than sitting reading etc.
Its good to worry just a little.
It is amazing how much worry mothers carry on their shoulders everyday. There is so much pressure is having a little person depend so much on you and the decisions you make.
I know first hand that you are a great mom. I was just discussing your great momness with my mom tonight.
– and I don’t know why I think that my opinion on this topic is right – but on this topic it just is š You are a great mom. For real. No doubt – I wish you didn’t doubt you.
I 2nd Shea’s comment, you are a great mom! Don’t doubt yourself and trust your instincts.
As moms we are natural worriers but I try not to over-analyze the big picture. I think it is our job to do the best we can for our kids. Hubby and I look at this most importantly as loving them unconditionally and teaching them to be responsible young adults. I think so much of who you turn out to be is ingrained in your personality which is with you from birth, not that life experiences don’t shape you but you can have two kids from a great home turn out completely opposite, one a delinquent and one a success and that can’t just be bad or good parenting, the children were parented the same.
I want my kids to read and learn and play and grow up to be healthy young adults. I also want them to know the world doesn’t revolve around them, they should treat other people the way they want to be treated, and you have to be responsible for yourself and your actions. I think the best young adults are not ones who have been coddled their whole lives but ones who can function in the real world successfully and those are the type of kids Nate and I are trying to raise.
Now I just hope and pray I make it through the approaching teen years!