Some people experience mid-life crisis. In the last decade talk of people in their mid twenties experiencing quarter-life crisis has spread. Up until motherhood I thought I was one of those people. A girl in her mid-twenties worried life was going to pass her by while she had no real goals.
Since carrying a baby, giving birth to said baby and transitioning into parenthood I have come to realize that my crises, yes plural, are yearly. I suffer from three-quarter-year-crisis. Every year in August I start to feel agitated. Like there is a vibration deep inside of me just waiting to burst though to the surface. For some reason the eighth month of the year amplifies the reflective side of me.
I start thinking about what I want. What I want to do, to see, to learn. Every year I relaunch myself into the search for what my life is to become.
I am a mother and a wife. I am completely and irrevocably attached to the two most wonderful people on the planet. With my supportive family as a foundation what will I become?
Will I be a stay at home mom forever? If not then should I be in school? If returning to school is the path shouldn’t be thinking about what form school will take? Maybe the career that would make me happiest is taking care of my family full time or maybe not. If I stay home how can I reconcile that eventually I will not be bringing any income in while parenting and only child who will eventually spend 6-7 hours a day in the care of a school teacher?
That’s just one aspect of the revolving thoughts.
It has taken a few years to pinpoint this but after spending the last month or so evaluating myself, my life and my future more than any sane mother of a (gulp) almost 3 year old should have time to, I sat down tonight to try and write through some of my feelings and found that a little over a year ago I was feeling, well, the same. A quarter-life crisis is not nearly frequent enough for me. I need to freak out a bit every. single. year.
I would like to state for the record that crisis is a strong word for my situation. I’m not out picking up on younger guys in my newly purchased red convertible or lamenting my life in anyway. Phase? A yearly hitch? Repeating episodes of too much thinking and not enough doing? Any of the three are probably more accurate than crisis. Either way I probably sound a little crazy, but I like to think that at least I am able to realize that I am young and there are a lot of things I want from life. I want to really live life. I want to learn and see and do.
I guess in a nutshell, I want to keep growing into my future and learning. Go go go. Do do do. See see see.
Evolve evolve evolve.