I’m just starting to resurface from the last week.
Last Tuesday I hoped a plane to Nashville.
It was not easy to fly to another state to attend a conference full of women, many of which I did not know. After spending the span of four days and four nights trying to keep my brave face firmly in place I am feeling mixed emotions. To be fair I started my trip filled with knots in my stomach and conflicting emotions laced with confusion that was not related to attending this conference. This is probably not the recommended way to set off from home to attend an event that requires an open heart, mind and soul.
I felt more self doubt that I would like to admit. I went ahead and let myself indulge my normal reaction to large groups and I tried to blend into the crowd too much. I let myself fall into the trap of feeling unimportant and small. The thing about putting myself out there and stepping out of my comfort zone is that my insecurities and social issues come to the surface. I know I am not alone. I had up moments and down moments. It was like a four day roller coaster ride and now I am exhausted. Dancing into the late hours of the night mixed with social awkwardness and late night talk sessions with roommates will do that to a person.
Even with all of my awkwardness and confused heart I made it through and managed to make friends with some amazing women. I am privileged to have met women that I wish I could move in next door to. The many points of view, opinions and suggestions that flowed through the building came from some of smartest people I have had the pleasure to have touch my life. I laughed, I got teary, I was nervous and intimidated, while also feeling more excitement and enthusiasm that I knew what to do with.
It’s hard work stepping out of your comfort zone. Hard work that is worth it when you make friendships with awesome women like Jennifer and Sarah, laugh into the wee hours of the night with Sherry and Emily, learn from crazy intelligent women like Kelby and Amanda, dance like nobody is watching with Fiona, Stephanie, Nichole, and Julie and many others, and spend a night alone in a hotel room without an alarm set.
Life is a learning process. It’s about evolving, learning and growing. Some days have more opportunities for growth and learning than others and the last week has been packed with possibilities. Overwhelming? Why, yes it was. Thrilling? Yes, that to.
Now I just need to figure out what to do with all that I learned and all that I felt.
I’ll be spending a lot of time thinking about my short list, boundaries, and community.
6 comments
I just love your thoughts on blogging conferences, very similar to mine. 🙂
With Bloggy Boot Camp about a year ago your thoughts represented mine during that conference but on a smaller scale. I truly enjoyed myself and having you at the conference made it a bit easier. I am a social person by nature but it is hard to be “on” all the time. With Bloggy Boot Camp I felt like I did great in the morning, introducing myself to people, telling them about my blog, and leaning about theirs but by the time we went upstairs to the afternoon reception I felt tired and overwhelmed and was kind of over putting myself out there more.
How did your personal experience with Blissdom compare to BlogHer? It sounded like to me that you enjoyed BlogHer more. Was that because you had Luke there and there were a lot of familiar faces from Bloggy Boot Camp and you knew a lot more people.
I am still toying with the idea of BlogHer 11 in San Diego but I find myself unable to commit. I guess if I won a free ticket that would help!
Love you! Can’t wait to catch up via telephone some more.
Love this. I wished we lived next door to each other too!
First of all, I’m grateful to have gotten to see you (even if it was too short) in person.
And yes, to what you’ve said here. It really is exhausting…all of it, the ups and the downs. I’m always so glad to go and so glad to go home. And always conflicted. And every time I put myself out there and GO, despite that push-pull feeling, I learn more about me and then I end up feeling less conflicted…after I’ve had some time to “chew on” all of it.
Now I’m rambling. I’ll stop 🙂
It’s so funny how appearances can be so deceiving. Because I saw you a few times at Blissdom, but didn’t go up to you to talk b/c it seemed to me like you were always in the middle of a fun group.
Well, I wish you would have come over, I would have loved to meet you!