Question of the week time. This weeks question is quick and to the point.
So What do you think? Jump right in share your thoughts and opinions in the comments. I’ll be sharing my thoughts on this subject on Friday.
Question of the Week: Letting Children Travel Without You
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17 comments
I don’t have an age.
It depends on the person, and the situation, and the kid.
That said, I don’t have an answer for me/us, but the overprotective side of me wants to say….15ish? 😉
I was hoping you would jump in this weeks question. I agree that some of this decision depends on the person, the situation and the kid in question.
Thinking more about this…I do not see that I would be comfortable with my child going out of state with anyone I currently know until she is at least in elementary school…and I am 99% certain at that point, it wouldn’t be something I felt good about, it would be something I felt pressured to do. =(
And to be perfectly honest, I am not sure why she NEEDS to do that or why any other adult NEEDS to take my kid on a trip without me. I don’t know why traveling without her parents is a necessary thing to do until she is much more independent…and doesn’t need the adult to travel with in the first place.
The first time I traveled out of state alone, I was 15 and going to spend 3 weeks in Boston. I didn’t go with another adult, because at that point I was independent enough to do the traveling alone and had living arrangements with responsible adults once there. I would be comfortable with my child doing something like this around this age.
Back to your question…the more I think about it, the more I realize that I don’t want my kid going on a trip with non-parents and without her parents while she is an age where she needs adult supervision to travel. It just boils down to the fact that I don’t see the necessity in it. Of course, there are exceptions. I’m sure there are emergency situations where I could see that it would be okay. And I assume if my daughter was at an age where she was begging to go alone on a trip with X, that I could consider it…but again, I don’t really even see that happening. But maybe. I suppose I will cross that bridge if I come to it.
Disclaimer: I have control issues, and what I have blabbered about above clearly does not apply to anyone but myself and my poor child that I won’t let go on a trip without me. 😉
Don’t worry Shea, no one is judging your feelings on this.
I think it depends on who they are traveling with. Grandparents then as soon as they can be away from mom is fine. School age then going with another family is good in my book.
Do you think your opinion or feelings on this changed at all after having more children?
No two situations are ever the same, therefore no rules can apply. Each child must be judged by their own abilities to handle situations that may differ from their norm. The person or persons your child will be with and how able to care for your child’s needs, and how willing and able they are to stay within the general rules of your parenting plan, must also be taken into consideration.
No person is going to treat every situation the way you would, you will have to be able to know where you are able to bend rules and where you are not.
That said, my answer is never before 3 and once they get to about 15 you have done what you can to teach them to make wise choices.
I like that you brought up the persons general willingness to follow the parents parenting methods. It’s one thing to trust that whoever will keep your child alive but it seems important to also think about if they will care for your child in the manner you would like.
Sometimes situations dictate that your children travel alone and you have very little control over it. My son traveled alone out of Country at the age of 9, I would not have chose for him to travel alone at this age. The airlines actually do a great job with the unaccompanied minors. By the time he was 15 he was traveling alone internationally and was even brazen enough to get himself a massage at the airport (something I would not do).
For me I have a hard time visioning my children being able to deal with being a way from me for an extended period of time, but i sure know that they can prove you wrong with that one.
My daughter who is 4 is no where near ready (or is that I am no where near ready). I could imagine her being about 8 and visiting with Grandma.
To me it boils down to the child’s maturity and their ability to deal with being away from you and i don’t think you know that time until it arrives (or it is forced upon you).
Here I am asking about traveling out of the state and you have already tackled international travel. At this point I can’t even compute sending Maddy internationally with anyone other than Luke and I let alone on her own, although she does have another 5 years before she hits 8.
Remember the ragging fear that something could happen to your child even right when you are there. I am a feeling person and no amount of trust of family or friends could help me though my children going out of state or on a plane without me. Nothing could happen but the time the children were away from me would be hell in my mind. I worried about so many things and i know that can be unreasonable but it is me and I cannot change me.
I am fine with over nights and short stays but out of state or on a plane would upset my stomach.
Sorry to be so real (for me).
The caregiver could be great, but I still could not sleep?
When my children learned to drive I was sick and did not sleep until they reached home, even if I had to go to work early the next day. Can’t help it the world can be a very awful place (and yet very wonderful too)?
The mom fear. Another thing I definitely inherited from you.
I am going to answer based on the assumption everything is kosher – kid can handle being away, relationship with adult he/she is traveling with is good, location and mode of travel are good, etc. Assuming all that meets my criteria, I would say 3 yrs. old with a family member. If any of that does not meet my criteria, then it’s not even up for discussion.
I did take a friend of my son’s on a mom/kids trip with other moms when they wer 12 yrs. old. We went 3 states away. I would allow him (or my other kids) to do the same with friend’s at that age, and probably even a little younger, again assuming all my criteria is met.
Two of my kids have been out of the country without me multiple times, but they were with my husband. I pretty much trust him. 🙂
I like the thought of qualifying a trip by checking to see if it meets certain personal criteria and not just looking at the where when how questions.
Good point. I guess a qualifying question could be:- would i choose to take my child on this trip? If the answer to that is no then I guess nothing else matters.
A friend of my sons had parents who smoked, I hated him having over nights but no matter what age I would never have let him go on a trip and spend several days with them. So I guess another question would be :- Are the people taking your child on a trip going to participate in activities you wouldnt approve of?
I am a few days behind but I am going to answer here before I read your response.
I think my opinion is different than most though I think it has changed over time and due to my life experiences.
As parents, especially moms (me included), we tend to over-protect, over-worry, over-control (I am all these things) but my husband, a man, and very different personality than me has calmed me down a lot. He balances me out perfectly and for that I (and God knows my kids) are truly thankful. He was raised in quite a laid back fashion with a lot of freedom. I was not suffocated as a child by any means but had a lot more structure and rules. As kids get older (mine are 10,10, and 8) they still need structure but they need some freedom and space to explore so they can learn to be responsible and make wise decisions for themselves.
The emotional, worrier of a mother, side of me agrees with other commentators but the logical, reasonable, what is best for the child, part of me says stop worrying and let your kid have some fun and take a vacation with another trusted adult.
I did really like the guidlines a few other people said, at least 3 years old with a close family member (grandparent, aunt, etc.), at least 10-12 with a friend’s family, depending upon how well you know the other family and how mature your child is. I’ve also thought about this in regards to sleep away camp. A lot of camps let 8 year olds go but I know my 8 year old would not do well with the responsibility of all her self car, following a schedule, limited adult supervision, my almost 11 year old, entering middle school son would do fine.
This all being said, I don’t think this came up for me personally until we moved to Maryland and Brennan was 9. At that point I did not have a problem with him traveling out of state with his grandma but did not think he was ready to fly alone. I finally let him fly unaccompanied at 10 1/2 this past year. I nearly had a nervous breakdown and did not like it one bit but you know what? Now that it is over and Brennan did awesome flying alone, I would not hesitate to let him do it again and I honestly wouldn’t worry so much. That’s the thing about parenting, once you do something you’re scared to (as far as giving up control) and everything turns our ok you realize your fears were mainly irrational in the beginning and your kids are better off from getting to experience whatever they did.
Now to your answer!