The post you are about to read was tough to write. Honestly, after writing it I don’t really even feel like I got what’s been weighing me out. You might read below and think something along the lines of “lady, it’s just diapers,” but in my heart and head it feels like more than that.
We’ve been a cloth diaper family since Madeline was big enough to fit into her brand new Bum Genius one-size diapers a few weeks after she was born. She used those same diapers until she was potty trained. Delaney started off in cloth just a week after her birth. I’ve washed and stuffed a lot of diapers. Well, actually I washed and stuffed a few dozen diapers over and, over and, over.
Right now as I write this Delaney is tucked in bed sleeping soundly with her bottom wrapped snugly in a disposable diaper. Yes, a disposable. After fighting a skin issue after skin issue for a few months we went on a trip and used disposables. In just a day her skin was looking a little better. And after a few days in disposables there was a noticeable difference in the condition of her skin. This got us thinking and has pushed up in a direction we never really anticipated. We’re using disposables now. For good? Maybe, maybe not. For the time being we’ve made the decision to do what is best for the comfort of our sweet girl. Is it hard for me to use disposables? Yes, for more reasons than one. Most of all I hate the waste. And the cost is tough to swallow. I would feel dishonest if I didn’t also share that I am struggling with feeling a bit like a failure.
Of course we tried different detergents, creams, lotions and rapid fire changes. We tried letting her go without a diaper to let her skin heal and breath which just resulted in wet floors. We tried stripping the diapers to be sure we’d removed potential irritants. We tried a lot of things and yet the only thing that has made much of a difference is using disposables. We haven’t had to use much in the way of creams or lotions since switching either. Delaney’s skin issues are just healing up on their own. So really have I failed? No not really- and I know that- but knowing that has not made it easier to really feel at peace with the whole thing. Cloth diapering has been one of many things that have really defined me as a mother. It’s helped me figure out my course and led me down different paths to new ideas and beliefs. I probably would have went down these paths without cloth diapers eventually but they’ve helped my journey.
I’m not giving up on our colorful cloth diapers but for now I am going to let my word for 2014 help guide me and I am going to simplify my life right now. I am going to let my daughter’s needs dictate what needs to happen and I am not going to fight it. There are so many other things for me to worry about right now it’s just better for everyone including me to let it go and go with the flow. Sometimes as parents we have to know when to let go of some of our dearly held parenting beliefs to do what’s best for our children. It’s ironic really.
Have you ever had to let go of something you felt strongly about as a parent for the sake of your child?